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[English Lord]

One day, a teacher was attempting to teach the names of animals to a class of 5-year-olds. She held up a picture of a deer, and asked one boy, "Billy, what is this animal?". Little Billy looked at the picture with a disheartened look on his face and responded, "I'm sorry Mrs. Smith, I don't know.". The teacher was not one to give up easily, so she then asked Billy, "Well, Billy, what does your Mommy call your Daddy?" Little Billy's face suddenly brightened up, but then a confused look came over his face, as he asked, "Mrs. Smith, is that really a pig?"!​

:lol::lol::lol::lol:

 

[Nereid]

frog: what does my future hold?
psychic: you'll meet a girl who would want to know everything about you.
frog: that's great! will I meet her in a party?
psychic: no...




in biology class.
​

One day, a teacher was attempting to teach the names of animals to a class of 5-year-olds. She held up a picture of a deer, and asked one boy, "Billy, what is this animal?". Little Billy looked at the picture with a disheartened look on his face and responded, "I'm sorry Mrs. Smith, I don't know.". The teacher was not one to give up easily, so she then asked Billy, "Well, Billy, what does your Mommy call your Daddy?" Little Billy's face suddenly brightened up, but then a confused look came over his face, as he asked, "Mrs. Smith, is that really a pig?"!​

:lol::lol::lol::lol:

What a polite father!:lol:

 

[HappyDreams]

to love and to loss is one of the biggest tragedies in life ,yet one fails to see the blessing in the loss.we lose for many reasons -death,a divorce,a broken friendship and the end of a relationship.in that moment ,we feel our life has come to an end.how are we to go on?a piece of your soul is taken leaving an empty hole in your heart.

the question of "why me" repeats in your mind but as the beaty of time progresses we see answer.loss makes us stronger and wiser .

a loss helps us to appreciate even the smallest .insignificant things in life.our hearts become softer and full of even more love than we had to begin with .a loss helps us to see that we cant do it alone, that we need faith and hope to get us through.we learn the mercy and grace of God.

when the grieving and the healing have taken their course,we are renewed,ready to begin a new chapter in our lives with a whole new outlook and attitude .only then are we able to appreciate the lesson learned through that loss.one never forgets those we lost,but we do learn to let go.

we learn to keep living even though we dont want to.we learn to treasure each moment and each person.in turn losses make our lives alot richer.

to love and lose is a tragedy,but its not the end of our lives.its part of our journey

sorry dear friends if it was too long but it worth it to read

 

[English Lord]

Teacher: you are in a bus , and all the seats are taken.a lady get in.what do you do?
Boy: i shout full up​

:lol::lol::lol:

 

[melpomene]

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter

What are you doing?" She asked.

Hunting Flies" He responded

Oh. ! Killing any?" She asked.

Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.

Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell them apart?"


He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."​

:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:

Hey! I surfed this topic for the first time and I should admit that I enjoyed your posts a lot (not all of 'em of course!). Thanks all! esp L!zard for his fantastic quotes! they are sooooo thought provoking.:happy: By the way cool way to tell them apart,English Lord! Thanks a bunch
​

 

[English Lord]

Hey! I surfed this topic for the first time and I should admit that I enjoyed your posts a lot (not all of 'em of course!). Thanks all! esp L!zard for his fantastic quotes! they are sooooo thought provoking.:happy: By the way cool way to tell them apart,English Lord! Thanks a bunch
​

thank you very much dear friend
let me tell you another one

One day, a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast to her brunette hair. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?" Her mother replied "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white." The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then asked, "Mom, how come all of grandma's hairs are white?"​

:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:

 

[mahi58]

thank you very much dear friend
let me tell you another one

One day, a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast to her brunette hair. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?" Her mother replied "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white." The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then asked, "Mom, how come all of grandma's hairs are white?"​

:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:

 

[melpomene]

thank you very much dear friend
let me tell you another one

One day, a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast to her brunette hair. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?" Her mother replied "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white." The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then asked, "Mom, how come all of grandma's hairs are white?"​

:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:

Nice! :lol: what a witty girl! I really enjoyed it. Thanks​

 

[Nereid]

sorry dear friends if it was too long but it worth it to read

!Yeah, it really was Thank you for sharing.

Hey! I surfed this topic for the first time and I should admit that I enjoyed your posts a lot (not all of 'em of course!). Thanks all! esp L!zard for his fantastic quotes! they are sooooo thought provoking.:happy: By the way cool way to tell them apart,English Lord! Thanks a bunch
​

!You're welcome:happy:

thank you very much dear friend
let me tell you another one

One day, a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast to her brunette hair. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?" Her mother replied "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white." The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then asked, "Mom, how come all of grandma's hairs are white?"​

:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:

:lol:

 

[Nereid]

Jonah's Fate

After hearing the story of Jonah at Sunday School, a little girl repeated the story at school on Monday.

Her teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because, even though it is a very large mammal, its throat is very small.

The little girl said, "But how can that be? Jonah was swallowed by a whale."Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human. "It is physically impossible!" she said.

Undaunted, the little girl said, "Well, when I get to heaven I will ask Jonah."

To this, the teacher said, "What if Jonah went to hell?"

The little girl replied, "Then YOU ask him!"


***************************
There Was a very sick man, who was a good friend of the vicar's. The Vicar went to see him every day. One Day, he came in and knelt down by the side of the bed. As soon as he did this, the sick man motioned for a pen and paper. So the vicar gave him it. he Scrawled something down, and then dropped dead. At his funeral, the vicar said: "I have his last thoughts written on this piece of paper. They were: 'Please stand up, you're kneeling on my oxygen pipe!'"

​

 

[Nereid]

A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other of the afterlife.

Their biggest fear was that there was no afterlife.

After a long life, the husband was the first to go, and true to his word he made contact,

"Mary. Mary. are you there?

"Is that you, Fred?"

"Yes, I've come back like we agreed."

"What's it like?"


"Well, I get up in the morning, I have s*x, I have breakfast, then off to the golf course, I have s*x,I bathe in the sun, and then I have s*x again. I have lunch, another romp around the golf course,then s*x pretty much all afternoon.

After supper, golf course again. Then have s*x until late at night. The next day it starts all over again."


"Oh, Fred you surely must be in heaven."

"Not exactly, I'm a rabbit in Suffolk".

​

 

[HappyDreams]

Jonah's Fate

After hearing the story of Jonah at Sunday School, a little girl repeated the story at school on Monday.
.
.
.

Undaunted, the little girl said, "Well, when I get to heaven I will ask Jonah."

To this, the teacher said, "What if Jonah went to hell?"

The little girl replied, "Then YOU ask him!"

what a nutly girl

"Not exactly, I'm a rabbit in Suffolk".

???

....
ادیت شد بردم تاپیک beatiful english qoutes
​

 

[Nereid]

]



???

[T]

خب از ظاهر جک پیداست که این اسم یه مکانیه و حالا زیادم مهم نیست که کجاست (منم خودم نمیدونستم ) ولی چون پرسیدید من یه سری به wiki زدم :
ُSuffolk

for prayer is nothing else than being on terms of friendship with God
saint teresa of avila

"friends are relatives you make for yourself"
eustache deschamps

"friends are thieves of time"

francis bacon

"if we build on a sure foundation in friendship,we must love friends for their sake rather than for our own"
charlotte bronte
​

ممنون ! جالب بودن ولی بهتره که از این به بعد quotes رو اینجا پست کنید!

 

[HappyDreams]

خب از ظاهر جک پیداست که این اسم یه مکانیه و حالا زیادم مهم نیست که کجاست (منم خودم نمیدونستم ) ولی چون پرسیدید من یه سری به wiki زدم :
ُSuffolk




ممنون ! جالب بودن ولی بهتره که از این به بعد quotes رو اینجا پست کنید!

میدونستم که یه مکانه ولی دیدم توی هیچ کدوم از dic ها نبود کنجکاو شدم ممنون بابت لینک:happy:



lizard جون .راستش میدونستم جاشون اونجاست ولی از اونجایی که قرار شد ادغام بشن (سیمور گفت که یه تاپیک qoute بیشتر نمی مونه نه؟ نمی دونم والا شاید من اشتباه می کنم) گفتمlتاپیک شما بیشتر پست خورده شاید همه رو بریزه اینجا

ولی راس میگی باید اونجا میزدم .ممنون که تذکر دادی:happy:

 

[DarePit]

Talking to God

.A man was taking it easy , laying on the grass and looking up at the cloudes , he was identifying shapes when he decided to talk to GOD
?"God" , he said ,"how long is a million years"
"god answered ,"in my frame of reference , it's about a minute
"?the man asked , "God , how much is a million dollars
".God answered ,"to me it's a penny
"?the man then asked , "God , can I have a penny
"god answered , "what a minute
​

 

[snail]

mouses society

schrodinger`s cat had committed some crimes , like eating mouse...


wanted , schrodinger`s cat

dead and alive

...how is it ? ...I`ve made it ...​

I think she is at l!zard's home. do you know why
dear l!zard dont worry about the reward i take your cat ex schrodinger`s cat as reward beacuse she is really cute


lizard your joke was really funy the end of them is incredible specially:lol:
about rabbit in Suffolk
]
The universe does not behave according to our pre-conceived ideas it continues to surprise us

 

[English Lord]

God had created the donkey and said to him. "You will be a donkey. You will work untiringly from sunrise to sunset carrying burdens on your back. You will eat grass, you will have no intelligence and you will live 50 years." The donkey answered: "I will be a donkey, but to live 50 years is much. Give me only 20 years" God granted his wish. God created the dog and said to him: "You will guard the house of man. You will be his best Friend. You will eat the scraps that he gives you and you will live 30 years. You will be a dog. " The dog answered: "Sir, to live 30 years is too much, give me only 15 years. "God granted his wish. God created the monkey and said to him: "You will be a monkey. You will swing from branch to branch doing tricks. You will be amusing and you will live 20 years. " The monkey answered: "To live 20 years is too much, give me only 10 years." God granted his wish. Finally God created man ... and said to him: "You will be man, the only rational creature on the face of the earth. You will use your intelligence to become master over all the animals.. You will dominate the world and you will live 20 years." Man responded: "Sir, I will be a man but to live only 20 years is very little, give me the 30 years that the donkey refused, the 15 years that the dog did not want and the 10 years the monkey refused." God granted man's wish And since then, man lives 20 years as a man , marries and spends 30 years like a donkey, working and carrying all the burdens on his back. Then when his children are grown,he lives 15 years like a dog taking care of the house and eating whatever is given to him, so that when he is old, he can retire and live 10 years like a monkey, going from house to house and from one son or daughter to another doing tricks to amuse his grand children​

:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:

 

[Nereid]

As the elderly man lay dying in his bed, death's agony was suddenly
pushed aside as he smelled the aroma of his favorite homemade
chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs.

Gathering his remaining strength, he lifted himself from the bed.
Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the
bedroom, and with intense concentration, supported himself down the
stairs, gripping the railing with both hands. In labored breath, he
leaned against the door frame, gazing wide-eyed into the kitchen.
There, spread out upon newspapers on the kitchen table were
literally HUNDREDS of his favorite chocolate chip cookies! Was it
heaven? Or, was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted
wife, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man? Mustering
one great final effort, he threw himself toward the table, landing
on his knees in a rumpled posture, one hand on the edge of the table.

The aged and withered hand quiveringly made its way to a cookie
near the edge of the table; feeling the warm soft dough actually
made the pain of his bones subside for a moment. His parched lips
parted; the wondrous taste of the cookie was already in his mouth;
seemingly bringing him back to life.

What, then, was this sudden stinging that caused his hand to
recoil? He looked to see his wife, still holding the spatula she
had just used to smack his hand.
"Stay out of those!" she said, "they're for the funeral."​

I think she is at l!zard's home. do you know why
dear l!zard dont worry about the reward i take your cat ex schrodinger`s cat as reward beacuse she is really cute

shhh...don't tell anybody!

:lol:

lizard your joke was really funy the end of them is incredible specially:lol]
about rabbit in Suffolk
]
The universe does not behave according to our pre-conceived ideas it continues to surprise us[/E]

You're welcome

 

[English Lord]

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup , the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He told her, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress . If you don't do the following , your husband will surely die...Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant , and make sure he is in a good mood . For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores , as he probably had a hard day. Don't discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse . And most importantly, make love with your husband several times a week and satisfy his every whim . If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely." On the way home, the husband asked his wife. "What did the doctor say?" She replied, "You're going to die​

:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:

 

[HappyDreams]

There once was a duck who went into a grocery store and waddled up to the clerk
to ask if he had any grapes.
the clerk said no,he didn not.The duck left but soon returned to ask the same question .
again the clerk indicated he had no grapes.again the duck left but soon returned to once again
ask the same clerk the same question.in frustration ,the clerk very forcefully restated that he did not have any grapes .furthermore ,the clerk warned the duck that should he returend again and ask for grapes ,the clerk would "nail his tail to the floor"after a short while ,the duck again returned .this time he asked
"Do you have any nails?" to this the clerk angriy replied,"no!!!" ,"hmmm"said the duck,Do you have any garpes

???

************
we have the same jokes like this .about rabbit and clerk
and both of them are not fuuny enogh
​