se_se
Registered User
someday a torkish man hit to a dead-end alley and said angrily:Hushshsh
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پایان فعالیت بخشهای انجمن: امکان ایجاد موضوع یا نوشته جدید برای عموم کاربران غیرفعال شده است
(jokes, tests,...)Favorites!!!
- شروع کننده موضوع Nereid
- تاریخ شروع
A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait.
Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying "A dollar per point."
The next class the professor handed the graded tests back out. This student got back his test, his test grade, and $64 change.
//
A student comes to a young professor's office hours. She glances down the hall, closes his door, and kneels pleadingly. "I would do anything to pass this exam."
She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes. "I mean," she whispers, "I would do anything."
He returns her gaze. "Anything?"
"Anything."
His voice turns to a whisper.
"Would you... study "?
Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying "A dollar per point."
The next class the professor handed the graded tests back out. This student got back his test, his test grade, and $64 change.
//
A student comes to a young professor's office hours. She glances down the hall, closes his door, and kneels pleadingly. "I would do anything to pass this exam."
She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes. "I mean," she whispers, "I would do anything."
He returns her gaze. "Anything?"
"Anything."
His voice turns to a whisper.
"Would you... study "?
It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged.
It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered?!
//
Q: Why dogs don't marry?
A: Because they are already leading a dog's life!
It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered?!
//
Q: Why dogs don't marry?
A: Because they are already leading a dog's life!
Test:
http://www.freerice.com/subjects.php?t=163223189569
Choose your favorite subject and have fun....
http://www.freerice.com/subjects.php?t=163223189569
Choose your favorite subject and have fun....
Bella_aster
مدیران قدیمی
Why Some Men Have Dogs And Not Wives:
1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.
2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.
3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.
4. A dog's parents never visit.
5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
6. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go 24 hours a day.
7. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk..
8. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.
9. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, "If I died, would you get another dog?"
10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.
11. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.
12. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad. They just think it's interesting.
13. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck.
And last, but certainly not least:
14. If a dog leaves, it won't take half of your stuff.
1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.
2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.
3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.
4. A dog's parents never visit.
5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
6. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go 24 hours a day.
7. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk..
8. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.
9. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, "If I died, would you get another dog?"
10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.
11. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.
12. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad. They just think it's interesting.
13. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck.
And last, but certainly not least:
14. If a dog leaves, it won't take half of your stuff.
"YOU MAY BE A TALIBAN IF:
1. You refine heroin for a living, but have a moral objection to liquor.
2. You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but can't afford shoes.
3. You have more wives than teeth.
4. You wipe your rearend with your bare hand, but consider bacon "unclean".
5. You think vests come in two styles -- bullet-proof and suicide.
6. You can't think of anyone you haven't declared Jihad against.
7. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing.
8. You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.
1. You refine heroin for a living, but have a moral objection to liquor.
2. You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but can't afford shoes.
3. You have more wives than teeth.
4. You wipe your rearend with your bare hand, but consider bacon "unclean".
5. You think vests come in two styles -- bullet-proof and suicide.
6. You can't think of anyone you haven't declared Jihad against.
7. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing.
8. You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.
Little JOHNNY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another.
After the 6th one, a man on the bench across from him said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you.
It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
Little JOHNNY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
Little JOHNNY answered, "No, he minded his own f*****g business
//
A fresh philosophy graduate was having dinner with his father, and wanted to show off some of his "knowledge"..
- "dad, you dare me i convince you this chicken in front of us is two, and not one?"
.
.
.
stares..
.
- "well i'll take this and you have the other one"
After the 6th one, a man on the bench across from him said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you.
It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
Little JOHNNY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
Little JOHNNY answered, "No, he minded his own f*****g business
//
A fresh philosophy graduate was having dinner with his father, and wanted to show off some of his "knowledge"..
- "dad, you dare me i convince you this chicken in front of us is two, and not one?"
.
.
.
stares..
.
- "well i'll take this and you have the other one"
Last edited:
HOW TO RECRUIT THE RIGHT PERSON FOR THE JOB?
Put about 100 bricks in no particular order in a closed room with an open window.
Then send 2 or 3 candidates in the room and close the door.
Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours and then analyze the situation.
If they are counting the bricks.
Put them in the Accounts Department.
If they are recounting them.
Put them in Auditing.
If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks.
Put them in Engineering.
If they are arranging the bricks in some strange order.
Put them in Planning.
If they are throwing the bricks at each other.
Put them in Operations.
If they are sleeping.
Put them in Security.
If they have broken the bricks into pieces.
Put them in Information Technology.
If they are sitting idle.
Put them in Human Resources.
If they say they have tried different combinations, yet not a brick has been moved.
Put them in Sales.
If they have already left for the day.
Put them in Marketing.
If they are staring out of the window.
Put them on Strategic Planning.
And then last but not least...
If they are standing around talking to each other and not a single brick has been moved.
Congratulate them and put them in Top Management.
Put about 100 bricks in no particular order in a closed room with an open window.
Then send 2 or 3 candidates in the room and close the door.
Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours and then analyze the situation.
If they are counting the bricks.
Put them in the Accounts Department.
If they are recounting them.
Put them in Auditing.
If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks.
Put them in Engineering.
If they are arranging the bricks in some strange order.
Put them in Planning.
If they are throwing the bricks at each other.
Put them in Operations.
If they are sleeping.
Put them in Security.
If they have broken the bricks into pieces.
Put them in Information Technology.
If they are sitting idle.
Put them in Human Resources.
If they say they have tried different combinations, yet not a brick has been moved.
Put them in Sales.
If they have already left for the day.
Put them in Marketing.
If they are staring out of the window.
Put them on Strategic Planning.
And then last but not least...
If they are standing around talking to each other and not a single brick has been moved.
Congratulate them and put them in Top Management.
During a recent password audit at a company, it was found that a receptionist was using the following password: "MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacrame nto" When asked why she had such a long password, she said she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital.
Moshe was sitting at the bar staring at his drink when a large, trouble-making biker steps up next to him, grabs his drink and gulps it down in one swig and menacingly says, “Thanks Jew Boy, whatcha going to do about it?"
Moshe burst into tears.
"Come on, man," the biker says, "I didn't think you'd CRY. I can’t stand to see a man crying. What’s your problem?"
"This is the worst day of my life," Moshe says. "I'm a complete failure. I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don't have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife in bed with the postman and then my dog bit me.
"So I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all. I buy a drink, drop a capsule in and sit here watching the poison dissolve; then you show up and drink the whole thing!
"But enough about me, how's your day going?"
:wacko::f34r:
Moshe burst into tears.
"Come on, man," the biker says, "I didn't think you'd CRY. I can’t stand to see a man crying. What’s your problem?"
"This is the worst day of my life," Moshe says. "I'm a complete failure. I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don't have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife in bed with the postman and then my dog bit me.
"So I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all. I buy a drink, drop a capsule in and sit here watching the poison dissolve; then you show up and drink the whole thing!
"But enough about me, how's your day going?"
:wacko::f34r:
A cow-boy builds a shelter to spend the winter alone in the wild. He goes on cutting a good amount of wood so that he will not fear the terrible cold. But how to be sure if he has enough wood? There is the great wise indian above in near the mountain, he must know. So he goes all above the mountain and ask the wise man. The chief looks at the horizon and declares that the winter will be cold this year. So the cow-boy goes back to the valley and cuts more wood. He has enough now, but lets ask the man again. He goes up the mountain, the chief looks around, and say that the winter will be extremely cold. The cow-boy goes back cutting a huge amount of wood. Now he is sure. But lets ask the indian for the last time. So he goes to the mountain again. There the wise man looks, and tells that this winter will be colder than ever. Surprised, the cow-boy asks, how can you be sure the winter will be so cold? And the wise indian answers: when the white man in the valley cuts a lot of wood, then the winter will be cold.