(jokes, tests,...)Favorites!!!

[Bella_aster]

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I know its for fun ,i was just kidding.and about these laws,i should say SAD but TRUE

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Really? did u enjoyed?

Ain't it the sad truth? I'm a man and I know about this stupid mistake we all make, and I still can't help doing it! I guess we are created like this

yeah men are men! but dont worry !

[FONT=&quot]Technically [/FONT][FONT=&quot]Correct [Joke] [/FONT]​

[FONT=&quot]

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment.

Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER."

The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how he had done it.[/FONT]​

[FONT=&quot]http://www.foolzparadize.org/[/FONT]​

[FONT=&quot]"I knew it had to be the Microsoft Building, because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer." [/FONT]​

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[FONT=&quot]Hope U enjoy
[/FONT]​

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[Bella_aster]

a lame version of girlfriend 6.0 vs wife 1.0

Thanks!

these are obviously jokes so if they are inappropriate warn me (i don't mean to offend anyone)

Thank u again!

The difference between men talking and women talking..​

TWO WOMEN TALKING :​

============ ========= ========= ====​

Woman 1: Oh! You got a haircut! That's so cute!​

Woman 2: Do you think so? I wasn't sure when she gave me the mirror. I​

Mean, you don't think it's too fluffy looking?​

Woman 1: No, it's perfect. I'd love to get my hair cut like that, but I think my face is too wide. I'm pretty much stuck with this stuff I think.​

Woman 2: Are you serious? I think your face is adorable. And you could easily get one of those layer cuts - that would look so cute I think. I was actually going to do that except that I was afraid it would accent my long neck.​

Woman 1: Oh - that's funny! I would love to have your neck! Anything to​

Take attention away from these football player shoulders of mine.​

Woman 2: Are you kidding? I know girls that would love to have your shoulders. Everything drapes so well on you. I mean, look at my arms, see how short they are? If I had your shoulders I could get clothes to fit me so much easier.​

...​

...​

...​

....​

....​

...​

...​

...​

...​

NOW TWO MEN TALKING​

============ ========= ========= ========​

Man 1: Haircut?​

Man 2: Yeah.​

 

[TheBoss]

Really? did u enjoyed?

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i sure i did
girls can break the most tight relationships in the world,take the example of eyes,they are always in the same direction and cant be seperated.but when a boy sees a girls one eye goes up and the other one falls down because of obsession.and now you see.....:wacko:


Kinda wrote it ma self:f34r:​

 

[Nereid]

Thanks a lot
[FONT=&quot]
For u :[/FONT]

again hope u anjoy!
[FONT=&quot]]

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Thanks for the joks!
Keep them coming plz!:lol:​

 

[Bella_aster]

i sure i did
girls can break the most tight relationships in the world,take the example of eyes,they are always in the same direction and cant be seperated.but when a boy sees a girls one eye goes up and the other one falls down because of obsession.and now you see.....:wacko:


Kinda wrote it ma self:f34r:

Interesting Example:lol:!

Thanks for the joks!

Keep them coming plz!:lol:​

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Thank you:blush:
​

 

[Bella_aster]

cOnfussiOn~ ~

Caller: Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan?
Operator: Yes, you can speak to me.

Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!

Operator: Yes I understand you want to speak to anyone. You can speak to me. Who is this?

Caller: I'm Sam Wan. And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent.

Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about?

Caller: Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother Noe Wan was involved in an accident. Noe Wan got injured and now Noe Wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan is on his way to the hospital.

Operator: Look, if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!

Caller: You are so rude! Who are you?

Operator: I'm Saw Ree.

Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!

Operator: That's what I said. I'm Saw Ree

________________________________________________________

Some Jockes :

1. A FOOLish man tells a woman to STOP talking, but a WISE man tells
her that she looks extremely BEAUTIFUL when her LIPS are CLOSED.


2. One GOOD way to REDUCE Alcohol consumption :
Before Marriage - Drink whenever you are SAD
After Marriage - Drink whenever you are HAPPY

3. Three FASTEST means of Communication :
1. Tele-Phone
2. Tele-Vision
3. Tell to Woman
Need still FASTER - Tell her NOT to tell ANY ONE.

4. Love your friends not their sisters. Love your sisters not their
friends.


5. A man got 2 wishes from GOD. He asked for the Best wine and Best
Woman.
Next moment, he had the Best Wine and Mother Teresa next to him.
Moral : BE SPECIFIC

6. What is a BEST and WORST news you can hear at the SAME time ?
It is when your Girl Friend says YOU are the BEST KISSER among all your
Friends.

7. Let us be generous like this : Four Ants are moving through a
forest.
They see an ELEPHANT coming towards them. Ant 1 says : we should KILL
him.
Ant 2 says : No, Let us break his Leg alone. Ant 3 says : No, we will
just throw him away from our path. Ant 4 says : No, we will LEAVE him
because he is ALONE and we are FOUR.


8. If you do NOT have a Girl Friend - You are missing SOME thing in
your life. If you HAVE a Girl Friend - You are missing EVERY thing in
your life.

9. Question : When do you CONGRATULATE someone for their MISTAKE.
Answer : On their MARRIAGE.


10. When your LIFE is in DARKNESS, PRAY GOD and ask him to free you
from Darkness. Even after you pray, if U R still in Darkness - Please
PAY the ELECTRICITY BILL.

11. Why Government do NOT allow a Man to MARRY 2 Women. Because per
Constitution, you can NOT PUNISH TWICE for the same Mistake.

12. "A Ship is always safe at the shore - but that is NOT what it is built for" - Albert Einstein

Hope u Enjoy
​

 

[nsh]

Caller: Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan?
Operator: Yes, you can speak to me.

Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!

Operator: Yes I understand you want to speak to anyone. You can speak to me. Who is this?

Caller: I'm Sam Wan. And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent.

Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about?

Caller: Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother Noe Wan was involved in an accident. Noe Wan got injured and now Noe Wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan is on his way to the hospital.

Operator: Look, if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!

Caller: You are so rude! Who are you?

Operator: I'm Saw Ree.

Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!

Operator: That's what I said. I'm Saw Ree

thats cool

 

[Bella_aster]

Customer care in 2030


Operator : "Thank you for calling Pizza Hut . May I have your..."

Customer: "Heloo, can I order.."

Operator : "Can I have your multi purpose card number first, Sir?"

Customer: "It's eh...,
hold........ ..on..... .889861356102049 998-45-54610"

Operator : "OK... you're... Mr Singh and you're calling from 17 Jalan
Kayu. Your home number is 4094! 2366, your office 76452302 and your

mobile is 0142662566. Which number are you calling from now Sir?"

Customer: "Home! How did you get all my phone numbers?

Operator : "We are connected to the system Sir"

Customer: "May I order your Seafood Pizza..."

Operator : "That's not a good idea Sir"

Customer: "How come?"

Operator : "According to your medical records, you have high blood
pressure and even higher cholesterol level Sir"

Customer: "What?... What do you recommend then?"

Operator : "Try our Low Fat
Hokkien Mee Pizza. You'll like it"

Customer: "How do you know for sure?"

Operator : "You borrowed a book entitled "Popular Hokkien Dishes" from
the National Library last week Sir"

Customer: "OK I give up... Give me three family size ones then, how
much will that cost?"

Operator : "That should be enough for your family of 10, Sir. The total
is $49.99"

Customer: "Can I pay by! credit card?"

Operator : "I'm afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card
is over the limit and you owe your bank $3,720.55 since October last
year. That's not including the late payment charges on your housing loan,
Sir."

Customer: "I guess I have to run to the neighbourhood ATM and withdraw
some cash before your guy arrives"

Operator : "You can't Sir. Based on the records, you've reached your

daily limit on machine withdrawal today"

Customer: "Never mind just send the pizzas, I'll have the cash
ready.
How long is it gonna take anyway?"

Operator : "About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can't wait you can always
come and collect it on your motorcycle.. ."

Customer: " What!"

Operator : "According to the details in system ,you own a
Scooter,...registra tion number 1123..."

Customer: " ????"

Operator : "Is there anything else Sir?"

Customer: "Nothing... by the way... aren't you giving me that 3 free

bottles of cola as advertised?"

Operator : "We normally would Sir, but based on your records you're
also diabetic.... ... "

Customer: #$$^%&$@$% ^

Operator : "Better watch your language Sir. Remember on 15th July 1987

you were convicted of using abusive language on a policeman... ?"

Customer: [Faints]

 

[Bella_aster]

Days off​

I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the Boss would not allow me to take a leave. I thought that maybe if I acted crazy then he would tell me to take a few days off. So I hung upside down on the ceiling and made funny noises. My co-worker (who's blonde) asked me what I was doing?​

I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss would think I was nuts and give me a few days off. A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked "What are you doing ?" I told him I was a light bulb. He said "You are​

clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days". I jumped down and walked out of the office. When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me,​

the Boss asked her: " And where do you think you're going? ( You're gonna​

love this. )​

She said, "I'm going home too, I can't work in the dark!"​

 

[Bella_aster]

I thaught it would be interesting for you ! hope you enjoy!

I ' m one of the 55. Are You?

Don ' t even think about using spell check!!!!!!! !

fi yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too. Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can.

i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno ' t mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!


Strange! I cud read it as though it was the usual text!


​

 

[nsh]

i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno ' t mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!

first time i saw this on joomla . and it still amaze me

 

[Bella_aster]

first time i saw this on joomla . and it still amaze me

Sorry joomla?

 

[nsh]

aah. a cms .you can describe it as a software that makes a website (almost) .anyway it's technical and long to tell.

 

[Bella_aster]

aah. a cms .you can describe it as a software that makes a website (almost) .anyway it's technical and long to tell.

aha .ok

-=[The Perfect Husband]=-
​

Several men are in the changing room of a golf club. A mobile phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and began to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello"

WOMAN: "Darling, it's me. Are you at the club?"

MAN: "Yes"

WOMAN: "I am at the shopping centre and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"

MAN: "Sure,..go ahead if you like it that much."

WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2008 models. I saw one I really liked."

MAN: "How much?"

WOMAN: "$70,000"

MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing ... The house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000"

MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of 900,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50 thousand. It really is a pretty good price."

WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!!"

MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."

The man hangs up. The other men in the changing room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape...

He smiles and asks: "Anyone know who this phone belongs to"
​

 

[Bella_aster]

WaKe Up!

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.

Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE)

He wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM " He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.

Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't waken him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.

The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM . Wake up."

HoPe U EnJoY!
​

 

[Nereid]

Women are like an Internet Virus.

They ENTER your life, SCAN your pockets, TRANSFER your money, EDIT your mind, DOWNLOAD their problems, DELETE your smile and HANG you forever.

 

[Bella_aster]

TYPES OF GIRLS -IT

HARD-DISK Girls
She remembers everything, FOREVER.

RAM Girls
She forgets about you, the moment you turn her off.

WINDOWS Girls
Everyone knows that she can't do a thing right, but no one can live without her.

SCREENSAVER Girls
She is good for nothing but at least she is fun!

INTERNET Girls
Difficult to access.

SERVER Girls
Always busy when you need her.

MULTIMEDIA Girls:
She makes horrible things look beautiful.

CD-ROM Girls
She is always faster and faster.

E-MAIL Girls
Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense.

VIRUS Girls
Also known as "WIFE"; when you are not expecting her, she comes, installs herself and uses all your resources. If you try to uninstall her you will lose something, if you don't try to uninstall her … you will lose everything…​

 

[Bella_aster]

maybe it can not be called a joke but
i thought it would be interesting for u​

Marvellous answer​

A mechanic was removing the cylinder heads from the motor of a car when he spotted the famous heart surgeon in his shop, who was standing off to the side, waiting for the service manager to come to take a look at his car.​

The mechanic shouted across the garage,"Hello Doctor!! Please come over here for a minute."​

The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic.
The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked argumentatively, "So doctor, look at this. I also open hearts, take valves out, grind 'em, put in new parts, and when I finish this will work as a new one. So how come you get the big money, when you and me is doing basically the same work? "​

The doctor leaned over and whispered to the mechanic.....
.
.
.
.
.
.​

He said: "Try to do it when the engine is running".​

 

[Bella_aster]

you have heard some of them befor:​

True Telephone conversations recorded from various Help Desks around the U.K ​

Helpdesk: What kind of computer do you have?
Customer: A white one...
________________________________________

Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
Helpdesk: Have you tried pushing the button?
Customer: Yes, but it's really stuck.
Helpdesk: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note ...
Customer: No ... wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry ....
________________________________________

Helpdesk: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of ! the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?
________________________________________

Helpdesk: Good day. How may I help you?
Customer: Hello... I can't print.
Helpdesk: Would you click on start for me and ...
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates damn it!
________________________________________

Hi good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...
________________________________________

Customer: I have problems printing in red...
Helpdesk: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: No.
________________________________________

Helpdesk: What's on your monitor now ma'am?
Customer: A tedd! y bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket.
________________________________________

Helpdesk: And now hit F8.
Customer: It's not working.
Helpdesk: What did you do, exactly?
Customer: I hit the F-key 8-times as you told me, but nothing's happening...
________________________________________

Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Helpdesk: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Helpdesk: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: OK
Helpdesk: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Helpdesk: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work!
________________________________________

Helpdesk: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital letter V as in! Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?
________________________________________

A customer couldn't get on the internet.
Helpdesk: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Helpdesk: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.
________________________________________

Helpdesk: What antivirus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Helpdesk: That's not an antivirus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.
________________________________________

Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screensaver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears!
________________________________________

Helpdesk: Microsoft Tech. Support, may I help you?
Customer: Good afternoon! I have waited over ! 4 hours for you. Can you please tell me how long it will take before you can help me?
Helpdesk: Uhh..? Pardon, I don't understand your problem?
Customer: I was working in Word and clicked the help button more than 4 hours ago. Can you tell me when you will finally be helping me?
________________________________________

Helpdesk: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Helpdesk: OK, and, what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter a, but how do I get the circle around it?
_______________________________________​

hope u enjoy​

 

[Nereid]

Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline.
If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are depressed, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer.
If you are delusional and occasionally hallucinate, please be aware that the thing you are holding on the side of your head is alive and about to bite off your ear​

TYPES OF GIRLS -IT

HARD-DISK Girls
She remembers everything, FOREVER.

RAM Girls
She forgets about you, the moment you turn her off.

WINDOWS Girls
Everyone knows that she can't do a thing right, but no one can live without her.

SCREENSAVER Girls
She is good for nothing but at least she is fun!

INTERNET Girls
Difficult to access.

SERVER Girls
Always busy when you need her.

MULTIMEDIA Girls:
She makes horrible things look beautiful.

CD-ROM Girls
She is always faster and faster.

E-MAIL Girls
Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense.

VIRUS Girls
Also known as "WIFE"; when you are not expecting her, she comes, installs herself and uses all your resources. If you try to uninstall her you will lose something, if you don't try to uninstall her … you will lose everything…​

Very nice 1!
So how about yourself? which type are you?