• پایان فعالیت بخشهای انجمن: امکان ایجاد موضوع یا نوشته جدید برای عموم کاربران غیرفعال شده است

(jokes, tests,...)Favorites!!!

Solarist

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محل سکونت
Solaris Ocean

A guy goes into a bar and orders ten shots of brandy.

The barman asks him ‘Ten, sir?’

‘Give them to me,’ the guy says.

The barman pours the ten shots and lines them up on the counter.

The guy takes the first and the tenth one, picks them up and pours them out
on the floor. He drinks the remaining eight, one after the other.

The barman asks with surprise, ‘Why did you pour those two shots out on the floor?’

The guy says ‘Look, sonny, the first one always tastes horrible and the last
one always makes me sick.’

:D
 

Nereid

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staring at a closed door!
how_it_works.png


You can see plenty of these sorta judgements everwhere...
:lol::rolleyes::blink:

 

Nereid

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staring at a closed door!
There's a big calculus party, and all the functions are invited. ln(x) is talking to some trig functions, when he sees his friend e^x sulking in a corner.

ln(x): "What's wrong e^x?"
e^x: "I'm so lonely!"
ln(x): "Well, you should go integrate yourself into the crowd!"
...e^x looks up and cries, "It won't make a difference!"

:rolleyes:
 

Nereid

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staring at a closed door!
How can you "SM_LE" Without "I"?

How can you be "F_NE" without "I"?


How can you "W_SH" Without "I"?


How can you be "FR_END" without"I"?


"I" am very important!


But this 'I' can never achieve S_CCESS without 'U'


and that makes 'you' more important than 'I
'.


:blink::lol:
 

Solarist

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Solaris Ocean
attachment.php
 

فایل های ضمیمه

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Nereid

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staring at a closed door!
Three statisticians went duck hunting and finally came across a duck. The first one shot at it but aimed too high and missed. Then the second one shot but aimed too low and missed. The third one jumped up and down all excited and yelled "We hit it we hit it!!!!"


What a lame joke:rolleyes:
 

Nereid

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staring at a closed door!
While walking down the street one day a "Member of Parliament" is tragically hit by a truck and dies.

His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

'Welcome to heaven,' says St. Peter. 'Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you.'

'No problem, just let me in,' says the man.

'Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity.'

'Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven,' says the MP.

'I'm sorry, but we have our rules.'

And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.

Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people.

They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne.

Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly & nice guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go.

Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises....

The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him.

'Now it's time to visit heaven.'

So, 24 hours pass with the MP joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

'Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity.'

The MP reflects for a minute, then he answers: 'Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell.'

So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.

Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage.

He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above.

The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder. 'I don't understand,' stammers the MP. 'Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable.

What happened?'

The devil looks at him, smiles and says, 'Yesterday we were campaigning. . ...

Today you voted.'
 

Nereid

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staring at a closed door!
A woman, three months pregnant, falls into a deep coma. Six months later, she awakens and asks the nearest doctor about the fate of her baby.

"You had twins, a boy and a girl, and they are both fine," says the doctor. "Luckily, your brother named them for you."

"Oh no, not by brother! He's an idiot! What did he call the girl?"

"Denise," the doctor replies.

Thinking that isn't so bad, she asks, "And what did he call the boy?"

The doctor answers, "Denephew."​
 

Nathan Mckane

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GODISNOWHERE

this sentence can either be read as: God is nowhere
or God is now here

so always think positively
 

TheBoss

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HaMeDaN
A woman, three months pregnant, falls into a deep coma. Six months later, she awakens and asks the nearest doctor about the fate of her baby.

"You had twins, a boy and a girl, and they are both fine," says the doctor. "Luckily, your brother named them for you."

"Oh no, not by brother! He's an idiot! What did he call the girl?"

"Denise," the doctor replies.

Thinking that isn't so bad, she asks, "And what did he call the boy?"

The doctor answers, "Denephew."​

haha, nice play on niece and nepew


one from me:
yo mama so fat she fell in love and broke it !!
 
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